I’ve Come to Tell You Your Son Has Died But I’ve Also Been Cursed To Eternally Do An Elvis Impression

By Tucker Privette

I’ll-a have-a blue Christmas without you. I’ll-a be so blue, just thinkin’ a-a-about you.

Decorations of red, on a green Christmas tree. I’ve got some pretty bad news.

Won’t mean the same dear, i-if you’re-a not-a here with-a me.

And a-when a-those blue snowflakes stahahart fallin’.
I’m really sorry to be the one who has to tell you this.
That’s a-when those blue memories stahahart callin’
You’ll be doin’ alright,
With your Christmas of white.
Unfortunately, last night there was an accident.
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

Do, do, do, do ahhhhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ooooh.
Three way major car collision.
Do, do, do, do ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhhh ahh oooooooh
SUV absolutely totalled.

Youhou’ll be-
Body completely unrecognizable.

-doin’ alright.

With your-
Really makes you question your religion.

-Christmas of white.

But, horrific, I’ll, really grim stuff, have a blue, I’m telling you it’s not something you wanna see, blue, blue, blue, I’m so sorry for your loss, Christmas.

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