by Isha Pati

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Due to blind faith in a junior aide’s explanation of the paper he was about to sign, President Trump has put into effect an executive order eliminating himself from the government spending plan entirely.

This is only the latest spending cut by the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE, because our country is a joke) created under the Trump administration. 

Sources inside the White House said the document ordering the President’s termination “must have just slipped in there somehow.” The unnamed source then winked seventeen individual times.

The order cited numerous instances of the President’s financial burden on the already-stretched-thin federal budget, including $1 million annually allocated for hush money, and a $5.4 million increase to the President’s discretionary spending fund to account for increased import tariffs on a brand of fake tan illegal everywhere except for Kazakhstan.

“He loves to fire people,” said First Lady Melania Trump I mean our anonymous source, “I’m just happy he’s doing something he loves.”

White House staffers have already reported the President has been “shoving papers into boxes with reckless abandon, shouting ‘you’re coming to Mar-a-Lago, you’re coming to Mar-a-Lago, you’re coming to Mar-a-Lago,’” in preparation for his departure from office.

The Pickle reached out to Elon Musk, DOGE head and CEO of Tesla, a car so quiet its creator feels he must make up all the lost noise in yap.

Musk declined to comment for reasons of “efficiency.”